Four Practical Dating Lessons I Learned from a Delusional Crush

It has probably happened to all of us at some point or another that we wanted to buy something, and there was this super cute shop assistant. The moment you saw him, you just know your future was with this boy. This happened to me in a shop in Asunción, in Paraguay. One day I needed a new T-shirt, and I walked into this store with nice-looking stuff in the shop window.

From behind the sweaters popped up this very cute guy with a sweet smile and a soft voice, who asked me in English if he could help me. English is not very commonly spoken there, so I smiled and was a little bit surprised. Of course he sold me a shirt that I absolutely didn't need. So I walked out of that shop with a shirt I didn't need and a crush that surprised me.

The guy stayed in my mind, and I decided I needed to go back. So a few days later, I found some excuse to buy more stuff and went to the store again. I tried a sweater and asked him if it looked good on me, as if this was some major decision. When I had walked in, the boy had recognized me. That was sort of all I needed to buy the sweater, and from there I started to fantasize about a life together, a life that I knew was impossible. Yes, a ridiculous fantasy.

Still, he didn't want to get out of my mind. So I asked a gay friend, who had absolutely no experience dating, what to do. He told me to give the boy my number. I had never done that in my life. A grown-up man who hands out his Whatsapp to a random retail clerk who is maybe 23? That's a bit silly. My friend said, "Well, what's the worst that can happen?" Hmm. A lot actually. The worst that can happen is you will get humiliated because the guy in your fantasy is not the guy in the store. He is an employee, and he is paid to be nice to you and to smile at you. And you interpret that as interest.

So rationally I knew that this was not going to go anywhere. But I ignored my feelings and I went for a third time. This time I bought a scarf. As I went to the counter to pay, my paws were sweaty because in my pocket I had a little piece of paper with my Whatsapp on it. I had no idea how to give it to him. There was another store clerk standing next to him at the counter. Still, at some moment I gathered enough courage to slide the paper across the counter as if it was the most normal thing in the world to do. Our fingers almost touched. He took the paper, and then I quickly turned and walked out of the store. I think I may have actually been blushing. But I was also relieved. I had done it! Now I simply had to wait for the inevitable Whatsapp message that would confirm this boy was madly in love with me.